Hibernation, fresh starts, and all the things I owe...

I feel like I have been off my usual social media and blogging, having disappeared into the fog of my offline life for...a lot longer than it has actually been.

I feel like I have been hiding, or in hibernation...But, hey, I'm back, nice to be writing for you all (whoever you might be, do say hi) once more.

I've needed some time to recover from The Dyslexics in the Bookshop Event (which went really well), and I have had a lot of things I have needed to attend to. The biggest thing being that my best friend has been going through a horrible time, which I won't go into detail about because it's her personal stuff, but, I dropped a lot of things to be there for her. Oh, and I had flu, so I slept on our sofa bed a lot due to my awful snoring, and I spent half of one day just laying on my bathroom floor on a pile of towels, while the cat meowed at me to get up and give her some love, or food, or something.

It's a hard life.

If you somehow haven't noticed, it's also peek trading time, and I work in retail. Well, I did work in retail. One of the things I was doing during my long silence was quitting my job. I am no longer a Bookseller, which is actually really freeing. I was in that job for five years, and it was good to me in a lot of ways, but it was time to go. I walked down to the train station that last time, in the dark, under the Christmas lights of this boutiquey side road. I stopped for a moment, because those lights were exciting and magical. I breathed in the tingling cold, and felt like this tight binding I hadn't known I was wearing was unraveling behind me. When I started walking again I imagined it as an unfurling red ribbon, unraveling more and more with each step from around my body, until it blew away entirely, swirling into the night.

I feel really relaxed, and free, and my house is really tidy, which hardly ever happens, and then not for very long because, you know, I'm dyslexic. I feel dyslexia and mess, or at least creative clutter go together - but I've hit that mystical point where it's tidy, and clean, but where I can still find all my stuff. My house also smells like this amazing strawberry spray, that doesn't really smell anything like strawberries, but still somehow smells fresh, and sweet, and delicious.

okay, there are still a lot of books, everywhere, but is that honestly such a bad thing?

Because I'm not working at the bookshop doing the usual overtime, where I spend most of what would be left over after bills and food on the extra travel, and then presents, and am totally broke until January when I get a sudden influx of funds...I have a bit of actual money this Christmas. I can see my friends, and my family, and do Fun Stuff.

I feel good about me, and my life as it is, and as it might be. I don't often get that all at once so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

I am not completely unemployed as I am working two days a week at an internship, so there's still some structure to my days, and leaving my other job isn't as scary. I will still have money coming in, but I am looking for something else, something full time and more permanent. If you know of something or someone who is hiring then it would be great if you could let me know. I've no set idea about what I'm looking for, but creativity, books/writing, marketing, and causes are where my interest and skills generally lay.

I have a lot of decisions to make, like if I am actually going to take the huge step (or so it feels) of applying to drama schools, or if I just want a Career, career of the sort my parents wanted for me, and to do my own creative stuff on the side...writing, drama group, dyslexia stuff...whatever, which is kind of what I have been doing, accept my parents never thought of Bookselling as a career.

Me, acting, via the talented Mike Cartwright

One of the nicest things about leaving my job is that someone who came to my dyslexia event applied for a job at the bookshop, my job really, and I think they are being taken on. They are a dyslexic young woman, so there's this great sense of something beginning within that ending, for someone else. I hope they get the position and enjoy it as much as I did, when I was new there, with no idea what I was doing.

I still don't know what I am doing, not exactly, but I'm more okay with that now. I'm not trying to find out as aggressively, I'm letting myself explore, just in case there is something even more wonderful and exciting out there, in the world.

I still owe you all a blog about the event, ahhhh...I owe audiobook reviews, and filmed reviews, and all sorts of things, but I am getting back to work on it all. I just needed some time to breath and figure some things out.